What are some things or activities I can do to truly grow as a person?
Question on Quora: What are some things or activities I can do to truly grow as a person?
Quora thinks I am one of the top people to answer this… so I am going to try to make it the best I can give. Dude, I know its long but just do it!
What I am going to write here, might sound too simple. It’s not using any crazy buzz words and might not even have many quotable lines…. So try to let it sink despite all that. This is a process and I am fairly certain, this is what most people go through.
You must only accept the truth. You need to promise me, you won’t stop till you get to the bitter truth of everything and if you ever find that you are wrong, admit it out loud to yourself and then the person… right then and there.
Now keeping that in mind read this all, deliberate on it for a while and then read it again after a couple days.
To truly grow as a person, to truly be more than just a version of the average, you need to understand that currently whoever you are is not you. And then slowly deconstruct yourself till there is nothing left.
How to destroy yourself (~ 1-2 months of work)
This is quite possibly the most important and the hardest step. You need to destroy yourself; not to be mistaken with self-hate. This is you don’t get trapped in any legacy thinking. Legacy thought will make some areas very hard to re-build because you think they are a part of you. But growing even a bit in these areas will grow you more overall than in areas you are already good.
Often very hard to do alone. So find someone who has already done this and use there help to do the follow:
1. Face your shameful evils (don’t go easy on yourself)
There is a lot of conscious and ‘subconscious’ data in your brain. You know it, but you wont admit it to yourself because it shows a side of you that you do not like. I want you to start finding those ones… try making it easier to point out that you are doing something terrible every now and then. Just dig deep and admit the worst… no need to change it. That later, just admit it!
- People you unnecessarily mistreat.. because you can.
- People you are biased against because you are jealous.
- People you are biased against because they are ugly.
- People you are biased against but don’t even know why!
- Guys/girls you ‘string’ along.
- Your inner racist/sexist etc.
- Your inner ugliness
The whole point is to know you have it and face it. Even better to recognize it while you are doing it. Realize it when you are using the person while you are staring at their face, or when you are belittling them or anything like that. Just understand the you are exactly the person you hate in others in other situations!!
This, usually takes a couple months.. and you need to keep digging. Digging till makes you cry a few times or makes you feel like shit! If you are a girl you will feel like shit first, don’t stop there, keep going till you cry. If you are a guy, you might not cry, but you need to keep going till after… to the point you finally find peace.
You will reach a point where you understand that every little bit of filth you find… you are able to map it and possibly get rid of. Because I have said it you will feel like you have reached this point… but NO, don’t stop till it REALLY hit you. admit it that it hasn’t and keep going. You are still on step one.
Then it becomes actually a rewarding thing to find your mistakes and ironically, you feel better every time you do.
2. Break mental barriers
- Barriers are these stories we keep telling ourselves to keep ourselves from falling apart. Sometimes for motivation, sometimes to calm ourselves.
- You will feel like you are doing something out of the goodness of your heart. No! admit that is a lie, keep figuring out the truth.
- You will realize you are actually past the first step here and you are feeling the calm. No! it is a lie, keep figuring out the truth.
- You will realize some new things you have learned about yourself and you start seeing them in others. You won’t admit it but you feel superior. No! admit that is a lie because you are undoing #1, you are rebuilding yourself already. No! start from the beginning.
- You will have a muffled feeling in your head, while you are debating on something that you actually don’t know what you are talking about… BREAK IT! and admit it. Aloud, to that person.
- You will have a hidden feeling that you have advice for someone, but you actually don’t follow it… BREAK IT! and admit it. Aloud, to that person.
- You will start realizing that some things you say, (out of habit) and even your parents, teachers and friends say are total BS! BREAK it! and admit it. Aloud, to that person. But wait, don’t start getting disgusted by them for how stupid they are for not knowing their own deceit.. you are ruining step 1. No! admit that is evil, keep figuring out the truth.
Finally, you reach a point where you think start enjoying that feeling. The feeling of quickly stopping your own self mis-sentence, of an enthusiastic rant that you are wrong about and talking bullshit, to correct yourself.
You start correcting yourself. Swiftly, to the shock of you and people around you. And you like that bit of shock. it start moving in your thoughts too. You start correcting your thoughts.
3. Understand who you are
You have to reach a certain point of emptiness so you can get rid of all the biases and all the things holding you back. Then you need to learn to dream… but to dream, you need to learn more. If you are on quora, you already read a lot. I want you to connect with what you read. I want you to be able to understand the alienation of all the great people that have reached this point. Not everyone who reached this point is great. But rest assured, all great people have reached this. This is where you find who you are! Every bit of it. The you who has always been. Find patterns of your habits of your life thought childhood and then adapt them.
Read this and complete the worksheet. (I’m serious! I know it sounds dumb):
They key to happiness is personality flaws – Huzaifa Sial
Now you know who you are, now you can finally dream in peace and be who you want to be. And to make it happen you gotta keep doing the 3 things.
- Destroy all negative things you start developing
- Keep breaking all the barriers so you stay on your toes
- Dream, Learn and adapt all of it to your personality.
Now, are different. Now you know exactly what you need to do to grow. What area, how, what is good for you. Now, all questions about you, you can find in others and answer for yourself!